sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
