he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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