i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
