Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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