i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm like, not good at living.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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