im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish i was in the wii world.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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