if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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