Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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