I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
