I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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