Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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