1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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