Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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