Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
