A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
