Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
