So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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