Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
