it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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