South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.