i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"