Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina