the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
