I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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