When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
