shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So much rum. So many feels.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
