maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
