i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
