so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
