officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
