Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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