I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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