I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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