Im at strip club and am horny
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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