so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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