Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
