I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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