Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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