i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
