Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
