I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
