He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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