Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
