So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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