She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
