so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
