I wanna bring you to show and tell
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
