Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
