it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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