She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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