Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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