i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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