It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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