please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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