when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
