my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
