You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
