You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
