She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
