so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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