I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
