I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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