It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
