broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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