She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
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I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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