Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
