We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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