fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
