She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize