did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
