It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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